Categories: FilmLocal

Film Review: ‘Poseidon Rex’ – No…Just…No.

Some more stuff happens, more people die, and eventually Jackson Slate and Sarah have sex. At least I think they do. I am not certain, because they’re kissing and she takes her shirt off but leaves her bra on, and then the scene fades to black, and the next time we see them they’re cuddling, still clothed. So maybe they just kissed for hours. Maybe nudity wasn’t in the budget.

In the end, they make it to an abandoned military base, where they radio the “US Army Southern Command,” where a colonel receives the message that shit’s gone down. Wanting to put an end to this, the Army colonel…

commands an Air Force plane, an F-16…

another Air Force plane, an F-15…

and a Marine Corps/Navy plane, an F/A-18…

to launch the counter-strike.

Meanwhile, on a boat for whatever reason, Sarah aims at…whatever. Not the monster at that angle.

Maybe the attack squadron?

Who knows? Nobody. That’s who.

Thankfully, she misses whatever she was shooting at. Also somewhat magically, those three different planes have turned into two. Maybe the third guy got bored and went back to play some sand volleyball. Regardless, Major West and his F-16s…

suddenly decide to bank right and…wait, did you guys get out of your planes and into F/A-18s?

Well that just can’t be. Major West, can we get some clarifi-

…wat.

Sigh. Whatever. Just launch the attacks from your F-16s…

I hate this movie.

Screw this shit. I’m out.

Poseidon Rex gets a…just…just, please don’t bother.

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Steve Kelley

Born in South Korea, Steve came to the US when he was three months old and has lived in St. Louis for the majority of his life. Of course, he naturally took a liking to the Cardinals, Blues, and thin-crust pizza. On the weekends, he can be found spending time with his friends, watching sports, or playing with his niece. Baseball, scotch, beer, guitar, softball, and drawing are among his many varied interests. Steve also has giant calves. E-mail: SteveK [at] ReviewSTL.com.